“Women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves.”
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
I've had the intention of writing this post for some time now, but with humanity little by little stepping into isolation in a way reminiscent of a dystopian movie, this post is oddly on topic.
Perhaps it's isolation that gave me the time and mental space to sit down and write this. I'm on my third day of isolation, at a time when I want to be out enjoying spring and meeting friends and embracing life in a city where I haven't quite settled yet. But truthfully, I spent most of the winter in isolation.
Last September I reached a milestone, something which I always expected to happen earlier in life (at least before the age of 29), but life went down a different road. At an age when I expected to be married and a mother, instead my milestone was a rite of passage that I always longed to do before I had a family of my own: I moved into an apartment, by myself.
I hear some people don't like the idea of living alone, but for me it was always something I wanted to do, to spend a while living completely independently, with space to myself for reading and writing and creating, a space with my own mark on it. And while my mum asks every weekend if I'm going to go out and socialise, the truth is that after a busy week working with people it's nice to embrace the solitude, and I like to spend time in my home and enjoy my own company. It's a place where I can truly relax, take my time and recharge. If I want to eat dinner for breakfast and cake for dinner then I can. If I want to go out after work, nothing is stopping me. If I want to walk around wearing a ridiculous face mask, dance to cheese and sing terribly, there is no one to pass judgement. And if I want to write a blog post at one o'clock on a Tuesday morning, I can also do that.
Another thing people ask is “have you got a boyfriend yet?” But when I tell them that no, I don't want that right now, a lot of people look at me weird. I spent the larger part of a decade in and out of relationships, and while I am lucky to have shared some wonderful experiences with partners, right now I don't want to share my time or my space with another person. It's nice to just be me and do my own thing. Occasionally the thought of dating crosses my mind, and then when I think about how much time and effort I'd have to put in, I'm just not interested. Sure, relationships are nice, but I'm not ready for that again, not yet. And as someone who was always “in a relationship” or had just got out of a relationship, or was “with someone”, it's refreshing to have freedom to go where I want and do what I want, or just stay in.
When I look around my apartment, I see me. I see what I've worked for, what I've created. I see my tastes and the things I like. And I enjoy spending time here and getting to know myself. So while I'm on day 3 of isolation and a bit worried about being cut off from people for the next week, or maybe two, or three, I am also looking on the bright side. Being alone can be lonely, but it is also the perfect opportunity to connect with yourself, to know yourself and to do things that you can't do with another person present. And at the age of 29 I'm glad I'm finally able to do this thing for myself, before I no longer have the chance to do things for myself.
Stay safe and embrace the solitude, friends, because spending time with yourself can be the best way to get to know You.
Thanks for reading.
Berlin, Germany, March 2020
Showing posts with label modern life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label modern life. Show all posts
Tuesday, 17 March 2020
Monday, 24 April 2017
When the world gets too loud
When I'm in the middle of uni assignments and other pressing matters, I find myself turning off the WIFI on my phone more and more consistently. Otherwise, when a Facebook notification comes through while I'm trying to concentrate on an essay, I'm likely to let it distract me. But I'm starting to think that it's not only when I have an essay that I should be turning off the Internet. You see, my phone is almost constantly in my hand, and I switch from app to social media site to app, wasting time and brain space on things that don't really interest me.
Don't get me wrong, social media has its virtues. As someone who has travelled a lot and spent time studying abroad, Facebook keeps me in touch with people I can only see once in a blue moon, Twitter tends to be a place where I can keep up to date with more specific topics, while Instagram, Tumblr and the like serve to feed my creativity. But when these sites and apps are constantly clamouring to be heard, and habit leads me to give them my attention despite other more pressing needs and desires, it becomes a problem.
Our phones and technology are so insistent that we remain up to date and in the know that, without turning off our phones or spending time changing our settings, we can't escape notifications. I've wasted many an hour or two when a five minute social media check turned into a discussion or a conversation about something inane. When those discussions are more heated, I waste a lot of energy thinking about them even after I've left my phone alone. Yes, it's important to be up to date with the news and the goings on in the world around us and to take part in that, but it should be on our own terms and at times when we feel ready to listen. The likes of Facebook in particular are the biggest killers of my productivity, creativity, even my desire to relax or spend time with loved ones, and this has to change.
It's not just the fact that it's a distraction. I think these habits can also be partially to blame for many of the mental health issues that sneak up in us nowadays. The thing with the Internet, and with social media especially, is that we suddenly have all this information and all these connections at the tips of our fingers, and if you think about it, we are the first generation to have that. Because of this, there is a lot of noise entering our minds that humans never had to deal with in the past, and unless we refrain from using the Internet as often as we do, it's impossible to shut it out. To give an example, let's talk about news pieces like Brexit and the election of the latest US president (to avoid mentioning his name). During those times, I was almost constantly emotionally exhausted, stressed and bordering on depressed. Yes, I was unhappy about the news. But if something upsets us, normally we shut it out if we can, except that without isolating myself from all media and news outlets, I couldn't shut it out. Even when I tried, it would come up in conversation, and then I felt like I needed to get "up to date". Many, many times in the past year I have felt like becoming a hermit. Back in the day, it was easy to switch the TV channel or close the newspaper. But now, when our lives are so intricately intertwined with the Internet and, by extension, the world around us, it's difficult to close ourselves off. Even while watching a TV programme, the channel encourages us to engage in social media while we watch, urging us to use and search for certain hashtags.
So if you feel like social media is taking over your life, don't be afraid to withdraw. At first I feel isolated, or anxious that I might have missed something important. But eventually I realise that I appreciate the quiet time, with my own mind and my tangible life.
Hampshire, UK, April 2017
Don't get me wrong, social media has its virtues. As someone who has travelled a lot and spent time studying abroad, Facebook keeps me in touch with people I can only see once in a blue moon, Twitter tends to be a place where I can keep up to date with more specific topics, while Instagram, Tumblr and the like serve to feed my creativity. But when these sites and apps are constantly clamouring to be heard, and habit leads me to give them my attention despite other more pressing needs and desires, it becomes a problem.
Our phones and technology are so insistent that we remain up to date and in the know that, without turning off our phones or spending time changing our settings, we can't escape notifications. I've wasted many an hour or two when a five minute social media check turned into a discussion or a conversation about something inane. When those discussions are more heated, I waste a lot of energy thinking about them even after I've left my phone alone. Yes, it's important to be up to date with the news and the goings on in the world around us and to take part in that, but it should be on our own terms and at times when we feel ready to listen. The likes of Facebook in particular are the biggest killers of my productivity, creativity, even my desire to relax or spend time with loved ones, and this has to change.
It's not just the fact that it's a distraction. I think these habits can also be partially to blame for many of the mental health issues that sneak up in us nowadays. The thing with the Internet, and with social media especially, is that we suddenly have all this information and all these connections at the tips of our fingers, and if you think about it, we are the first generation to have that. Because of this, there is a lot of noise entering our minds that humans never had to deal with in the past, and unless we refrain from using the Internet as often as we do, it's impossible to shut it out. To give an example, let's talk about news pieces like Brexit and the election of the latest US president (to avoid mentioning his name). During those times, I was almost constantly emotionally exhausted, stressed and bordering on depressed. Yes, I was unhappy about the news. But if something upsets us, normally we shut it out if we can, except that without isolating myself from all media and news outlets, I couldn't shut it out. Even when I tried, it would come up in conversation, and then I felt like I needed to get "up to date". Many, many times in the past year I have felt like becoming a hermit. Back in the day, it was easy to switch the TV channel or close the newspaper. But now, when our lives are so intricately intertwined with the Internet and, by extension, the world around us, it's difficult to close ourselves off. Even while watching a TV programme, the channel encourages us to engage in social media while we watch, urging us to use and search for certain hashtags.
So if you feel like social media is taking over your life, don't be afraid to withdraw. At first I feel isolated, or anxious that I might have missed something important. But eventually I realise that I appreciate the quiet time, with my own mind and my tangible life.
Hampshire, UK, April 2017
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